To my friends and loyal readers; AKA: one man, his dog Lionel and a girl from Eyeries; I have a confession to make:
I write this post as a broken man; an ornithological hit-man, a disrupter of the Darwinian Theory and an enemy of the bird kingdom.
This is My Awkward Life.
Let’s just put it straight out there; I killed a crow today, by accident of course.
I ran straight over him with my car, I heard a thump and then he was gone; I saw his lifeless body lying in the road through my rear-view mirror.
It’s the first time that I’ve ever killed anything bigger than a spider and so, it came as a bit of a shock to my system.
At first, I just thought that he was one of those prankster dare-devil crows that you sometimes meet; you know the ones; they wait until the last possible second to fly away to safety and you’re just left a big sweaty nervous mess behind the wheel.
Unfortunately, for this particular crow though, he left it just a little too late to try and escape.
I was on my way back from a work event; the sun was shining, the radio was blaring out summer songs and the breeze was as cool as the other side of the pillow.
Yep, life was pretty grand.
I rounded the corner and that’s when I saw him.
He was just standing there in the middle of my lane, doing crow things on his crow time.
I kept thinking that he’d move, that’d he’d fly out of the way…
Legitimately, no word of a lie, I shouted the following sentence out loud to myself in my car:
“Get out of the way crow! You have to move! I’m going to hit you!”
Picture that in your head, eh?
With cars coming past me on the other side of the road; I couldn’t maneuver out of the way, I could only position the middle of my car over him and hope that I’d pass harmlessly over…
This simple plan would have worked too if it hadn’t been for his meddling brain; poor stupid fool tried to up and fly away while by car was over him:
This fainest of noises could be heard as loud as a church bell inside my head as I quickly glanced in the rear-view mirror to check what had happened…
He was still alive when I looked back, trying in vain to move his wings and get off the road; it was not to be though and before I turned the corner and out of sight…I saw him stop moving altogether.
Then, to show that the universe has either got some terrible timing or a sick sense of humour; this is actually line from the song that played as I caught my last glimpse of the bird:
“All these things that I have done” – The Killers.
Heck, you really can’t write this stuff.
So now, my watch begins in this latest and saddest of all the episodes of My Awkward Life.
RIP, Mr Crow.
Hello darkness, my old friend.