My Awkward Life | The Traffic Lights
We’ve been waiting at the traffic lights a while now, my group of ragtag companions and I.
Well when I say companions, I actually mean the two separate individuals that I have no affiliation or connection with whatsoever and who I have just happened to stand next to on the street.
There’s the very sweaty, grumpy looking bald man who, of course, I’ve chosen to name Fred.
Then we have the leather jacket man who has tattoos running up the back of his neck, a weather beaten face and eyes that have no doubt seen too much.
I’ve, as you can no doubt guess, named him Joseph (Duh).
You see, we’re trying to cross the road and right now, we’re really not having much success at all.
As the closest one to the all important traffic light button, Joseph is of course the leader of our motley crew and the person that I assume has pressed the button to allow us to cross said road.
Eh? Maybe not, it seems.
The little green man who lives in the traffic lights and controls the flow of people over his road bridge like some of fairy tale troll has seemingly decided today that:
‘Nah mate, gonna call in sick; be grand’.
As I was a late arrival to our merry fellowship and this quest, I’m sort of out of the loop as what our ‘road crossing’ plan actually is as a result.
‘I mean, has he even pressed the button?’ I think to my self, looking longingly over at the round metal device on the pole.
‘It’s entirely possible that he hasn’t…he might have just assumed, like me, that it had been pressed by someone else…I’ll just give it a few more seconds,’
‘This has been a really long wait…he mustn’t have pressed it…I mean, seriously…who doesn’t press the button straight away…’
Treasonous thoughts suddenly begin to creep into my psyche, my mind suddenly beginning to question the leadership of this Joseph character.
‘Maybe I should press it…’ my hand twitching ever so slightly at the thought of this.
‘No! I can’t be that guy who just comes along and presses the button when someone has clearly already pressed it! Those people are the worst…I can wait this out’ I reassure myself.
Another thirty seconds passes with no sign of the little green man and his traffic slowing down abilities…
‘This is the longest that anyone has ever had to wait…ever. Why has no-one else (AKA Fred) not noticed this wait?’
I glance over at my bald headed companion and nothing; not a single look of wonder or confusion on his face about the delay.
‘Classic Fred move; cool as a cucumber that fellow, can’t phase him’ I think.
‘That’s it, I’m pressing it and to hell with Joseph and this social etiquette!’ I decide as I move toward the button and salvation
Suddenly though, a movement across the street stops me dead in my tracks.
A businessman, dressed immaculately in a pin striped suit, saunters up and just presses his own button, cool as you like.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
All of a sudden, the lights turn red, traffic stops and we’re crossing the road, all in the blink of an eye.
‘Well, that escalated quickly’ I think.
Now, in the end, I’ll never know whether it was the businessman pressing it that allowed us to cross or whether Joseph had actually pressed it originally and it just took a while to register, I guess that’s just part of the mystery of it all.
Myself, Fred and Joseph all went our seperate ways at at the other side, I mean, we all had actual things to do that day.
And while we’d never actually spoken a single word to each other and they’d never ever know what silly part they played in the silly drama inside my head, we would forever be bonded as those people that waited far too long to cross a simple street.
Peace out, hombres.
That’s an exit.