A Pumpkin Conversation

“Oh it’s almost that time of year again! I am so excited! I really can’t wait!” shouted Gerald the Pumpkin excitedly as he bounced around Mr Framers big square pumpkin patch at the back of the house. 

“Come on, really? You’ve been saying that exact phrase every day for the last 12 days, like I mean you actually haven’t changed a single word, it’s been the exact same! It’d honestly be a very impressive feat of determination if it wasn’t so damn irritating!” replied Alex the (other) Pumpkin crossly as he sat perched in his favourite spot in the patch trying to relax. 

“Thank you! That means a lot.” said Gerald happily as he bounced up and over Alex’s grumpy head, much to the annoyance and grumbling of the rest of the sleeping pumpkins that were nestled into the garden. 

“I wasn’t…I mean…that wasn’t a compliment to you, I’m annoyed at you!” Alex sighed resignedly, squishing himself even further down into the ground to avoid the errant flying dirt caused by the bouncing of his overtly cheerful neighbour. 

“Me? Why are you annoyed with me? I’m only excited that it’s nearly Halloween and that we might get picked to be lanterns this year! I mean, can you imagine it…you and I as lanterns? We’d be the crème de la crème, sitting at the front of the house getting admired by all the kids in their COSTUMES!” he eagerly shouted the last word from his peak jump position.  

“Look, every year we go through this same process and it never works out, what makes you think that this year is going to be any different? 

“I can feel it my bones, yessir this is going to be my year, I know it, I know it, I know it, the hairs on the back of my head are whispering and telling me that this is my year, I’m going all the way to the top baby!” as he bounced his highest bounce of the day. 

“We’re pumpkins! We don’t even have any bones or hair which means that the phrase you just said makes absolutely no sense! Look, we’ve got a pretty sweet deal here, nice garden, plenty of water, a bit of sun and some comfortable dirt to rest up on, I ain’t going anywhere!” said Alex with a harrumph and a sigh. 

“Well, isn’t somebody a grumpkin pumpkin this morning! You know what you need right?” Gerald grinned

“Don’t say it, don’t do it or don’t sing it, whatever you’re thinking of doing, please, I’m trying to enjoy my Saturday, so just let me do that…” Alex pleaded

Insert moment of silence and a look between the two before…

“Bounce attack! Bounce Attack! Bounce Attack!” shouted Gerald the Pumpkin excitedly as he bounced in a circle around and around and around Alex, shouting these two words over and over again. 

Soon the whole pumpkin patch was bouncing excitedly around Alex, who just harrumphed and sighed on his now trampled and ruined piece of dirt, it was always the same.

“Roll on Halloween” he muttered.

By Fergus Dennehy